Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
