I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
