Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
