so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
