I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize