Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
