look no pants
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
