i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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