sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
