kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
