remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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