i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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