I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
