I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
