"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We were destined to go to rehab together
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
