i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
