can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
