My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
