we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize