There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
