Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
