i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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