Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize