the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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