I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
