I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
