it's not cheating when I paid for it
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
