Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
