So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
