Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
