So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
