We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize