somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
