I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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