I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
