he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
