I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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