is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you traded sex for a burrito?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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