Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
