i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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