Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
