he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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