My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize