Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
