Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
