I seem to have left my pride at pride
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
