Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize