she woke up with a sticky ear
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
