the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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