Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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