And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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