She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Holy shit dude........stairs
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
