i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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