at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
