It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
