Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
