Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
did i just pee glitter
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
