Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
