you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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