talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
