I'm drive I can fine osifer
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
