Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
