fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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