Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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