he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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