My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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