Ambien. No doubt about it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
