So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
