If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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