So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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