Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
