She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
