I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
