I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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