just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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